A-List celebrities descend on Italy to condemn global warming and making the world miserable for the peasants of the world. 114 private jets scheduled to arrive in Sicily today.
“Well of course Meghan and I are flying in; separately”, Prince Harry told FWIW, “and of course we’ve accepted Leo’s invitation to stay with him aboard his yacht. Have you any idea how filthy Sicilians are? Can’t risk little Archie’s health now, can we?”
The sub-Royals, who this week forbade their neighbors from speaking to them — “not even good morning, if you please” — or approaching them or their dogs, insist that their plan to reduce humanity to a pre-Industrial revolution standard of living will spare the world from overheating and distribute poverty equally. “Well not the Queen’s money, naturally” Harry said “she and our ancestors took it fair and square, and we intend to keep it.”
Mr. DiCaprio begged off our request for an interview, his chauffeur/spokesman explaining that he was busy in the engine room, overseeing the engine conversion from diesel to vegetable oil: “That simple change”, the spokesman said, “will reduce Leo’s carbon footprint from that of a small metropolis to a mere township — well, perhaps two townships — okay, three, but no more than three. Unless he has to fly off to Bali or some other hell-hole for the next global crisis conference.”