Sisters, rise up!

And by the way, Chris Matthews will be dropping by to impregnate you

Mike Pence orders all women to wear new coronavirus-resistant uniforms

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after being put in charge of taking care of the coronavirus pandemic for the United States, Vice President Mike Pence unveiled a new, coronavirus-resistant uniform for women. The uniform consists of a red robe and white bonnet and is mandatory for all women in the country.

"We can't be too careful here," Pence said as he debuted the uniforms in front of a crowd of horrified reporters. "Every woman in the country must don this red dress thing and white head covering, effective immediately. It's great at preventing both coronavirus and fornication."

"Also, refrain from premarital relations, front hugs, or any public displays of affection outside of marriage," Pence added. He then began to cackle, as he does sometimes.