The Bee, and not the Bee
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"Man, I'm so mad at myself!" convicted sex offender Lester Carlyle said in an interview with reporters earlier this week. "I'm sitting here serving time for lewd conduct toward minors; I should have just waited until June and then I could have exposed myself in front of tons of kids with absolutely zero consequences and their parents would have cheered me on!"
Carlyle said he didn't realize all he needed to do to escape legal trouble was throw on a feather boa and whip out his genitals in public in a pride parade.
"Dagnabit, I'm such a newb. Look at those other guys, waving their bait and tackle around in front of kids without a care in the world! If only I'd grabbed a pride flag that day I went to the park I might be eating lunch on the front lawn of the White House instead of in this dank jail cell!"
Carlyle said he plans on coming out as gay as soon as he gets out of jail and will be attending as many family-friendly pride events as possible. State leaders in Washington declined to comment on the matter, directing reporters instead to the state's "It's not criminal pedophilia if it happens during the month of June and the person doing it is queer" policy.
While overseas ….
Prolific offender Paul Smith, 65, has been in and out of court since 1972 when he just a 14-year-old schoolboy for repeatedly flashing his genitals at passers-by.
The pervert's sickening acts have seen him exposing himself to lone women at bus stops and young children in their gardens, as he tried to hide his identity by wearing disguises.
At Manchester Crown Court, Smith was jailed for 25 months after he admitted outraging public decency. He will remain subject of a lifetime sexual harm prevention order (SHPO) and must sign the Sex Offender Register.
In Britain, criminals serve just a fraction of their sentences, if they’re even jailed at all, but even so, Mr. Smith may want to borrow a bondage suit to wear on his next expedition, just to make sure that he’s immune from prosecution under Britain’s own woke laws.