Deficit reduction 101

C’mon, admit it: you aren’t quite sure this isn’t from the Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After significant bipartisan backlash, President Donald Trump ordered the Pentagon to cancel the livestream of convicted domestic terrorist Nidal Hasan's execution and instead move it over to pay-per-view.

Dubbing the PPV show "FORT HOOD: THE RECKONING," Trump set the price at $79.99, with an undercard featuring five other executions of death row inmates in Texas.

"It's going to be a terrific show, believe me," said Trump. "People were very upset about the livestream, really not happy about it. 'You can't make that sort of thing public,' they said. And I realized they were right, that it really should be pay-per-view. I don't normally change my mind, but it was a fantastic idea to not make it public. It's going to be a huge moneymaker."