MY dad took me to Washington on Amtrak, and all I got was this lousy hat

Picked the wrong father

Hunter Biden admits his only qualification to serve on Ukraine oil company was that he’d served as Deputy Director of Amtrack, and he got that position courtesy of “Amtral Joe”.

Amtak is forbidden by law from lobbying Congress, so bringing Hunter on board was a neat evasion of that rule.

Young Hunter was previously appointed an executive vice president of MBNA, when that company was pushing a bankruptcy “reform” bill that would benefit its coffers. They got, it, too, with the support of their home state senator, Joe Biden.

ABC News’ Amy Robach asked the former VP’s son in an interview published Tuesday: "If your last name wasn't Biden, do you think you would've been asked to be on the board of Burisma?"

"I don't know. I don't know. Probably not, in retrospect," Biden, a lawyer and international consultant, answered. "But that's — you know — I don't think that there's a lot of things that would have happened in my life if my last name wasn't Biden."

Biden added: “Because my dad was Vice President of the United States. There's literally nothing, as a young man or as a full grown adult that — my father in some way hasn't had influence over. It does not serve either one of us.”

You can’t blame a father for trying to take care of his coke-addled, lazy son, but Hunter Biden’s career path is comprised solely of jobs arranged by his father, a sitting United States senator and, later, the Vice President of the United States. Those efforts may or may not have served Hunter’s best interests, but they certainky made him rich.

Great house on Old Church, now at a better price

93 Old Church Road, which set off in May at $4.995 million, was reduced to $4.2 today. Built in 1909, the owners have completely renovated it during their ownership, from the non-sexy but essential mechanical systems and windows, to kitchen and baths, and maintained it scrupulously. Unlike another older house I warned a reader away from recently, this is no money pit. And no, it’s not my listing, but I’m glad to find a house I can say nice things about, just as an occasional break from snark.

2.7 acres of gardens and lawns, close to everything; Old Church Road should easily support this price, so if older is to your taste, check it out; you could probably be in by Christmas, and start your own family traditions.

Can you guess the closing price?

23 Baldwin Farms N., currently listed at $2.3 million (down from its February price of $2.875) is reported as under contract. Pretty land, but it’s remarkable how dated this type of 1968 house style has become. “Timeless design” it is not.

I’ll toss out $1.795 as its selling price; feel free to join in the fun.

Spotted at the Homebuilders' Show

Smart doorbell will argue with Jehovah’s Witnesses and LDS missionaries for you

The Debate Ring Pro is designed to engage in theological arguments with visitors from other religious backgrounds. When the video monitoring software detects LDS missionaries or Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, the device gently, but firmly recites verses supporting the deity of Jesus Christ and other defenses for orthodox theology.

The response algorithm generates solid rebuttals for the most common heretical doctrines, like that of Christ being an angel. “Scripture clearly tells us to worship Jesus, yet as demonstrated in Revelation 19, angels do not nor should not receive worship.”

If the debate gets too heated, the smart doorbell simply backs down and says, “Listen, I don’t think we’re going to solve this issue today. Let’s just agree to seek the Scriptures faithfully and commit to praying for each other.”

The device can also be set to Evangelist Mode, which explains the “Romans Road” to visitors and leads food delivery drivers in the sinner’s prayer before payment is made.

Mind you, this article originally appeared in The Babylon Bee, so your local Home Depot may not yet stock this particular model.

It's a shame he's free to return to the country he came from

LeBron James is visting China, and he’s very upset that some NBA fool disrupted his income stream.

It must have been a real inconvenience to take that 13-hour chartered flight to China last week and hang around a luxury hotel in Shanghai for five days while promotional appearances got canceled. Surely it was awful to be in the middle of an international firestorm where the stakes were so high: Would preseason NBA games be played or not? 

And to think, LeBron and his teammates were so disrupted all because Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey had the temerity to send a relatively anodyne tweet supporting a protest that pretty much every one of his countrymen — whether on the left or right side of the political spectrum — would agree with over the rights Hong Kongers were promised when the United Kingdom handed control of the territory over to China in 1997.

Because as James tweeted on Monday night, trying to clarify comments he made to the media earlier in the evening: “My team and this league just went through a difficult week. I think people need to understand what a tweet or statement can do to others.  And I believe nobody stopped and considered what would happen. Could have waited a week to send it.” 

This champion of the oppressed and tortured hasn’t hesitate to speak out courageously before, such as when he defiantly spoke truth to power and rejected an invitation from President Trump to visit the White House, thus:

Of course, this bold capitalist would have had no opportunity to promote his $900 sneakers at the White House, so why should he go? “It’s all about the Benjamins, baby”.

Hanging tough

9 Ridgeview Avenue has cut its price from $4.950 million to $4.695 which, to its builder, probably seems a significant concession, but probably not to most buyers, who mentally discount houses far more than that before even viewing a house.

This was a failed spec project back in 2008-2009, when its builder unsuccessfully asked for $7.490,before losing it to foreclosure. It sat unfinished until 2013, when it was sold by the bank for $2.5 million. Now it’s been completed, and aside from its wonky design, it orffers some nice features, such as a convenient-to-town location, on a good street.

Back yard was a little rough in 2009

Price cut on Rogues' Hill

310 Round Hill Road, down to $3.195 million from its most recent price of $3.495. A graceful 1924 home, which was a popular style until not so long ago, but today, its style and Merritt Parkway exposure (it’s just off Porchuck) work against it.

The house has been on the market since 2014, when it started at $5.8 million, but that was an Ogilvy price, so we shouldn’t place too much weight on it. Still, there was a time when $3.195 for a house like this would have seemed (sort of) cheap, rather than overpriced, as it does today.

New Mid-Country listing

If there’s anything less practical and more annoying than a spiral staircase in a house design, i’ve yet to encounter it

34 Beechcroft Road, $8.4495 million. I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable in such a stark design, but it does appear far brighter, and more open, than the house it replaced (which sold to this builder for $1.9 in 2015). And bless her heart, it’s not another blown up and expanded neo-colonial.

Flat yard, bisected by a brook, close to town. Price seems optimistic, to me, but we’ll see.

Homage to the past: the Zebra makes its appearance

I say, America First! Let them work out their own self-inflicted problems

Don Surber: America must step in and save this Third World country

Last month, American missionaries went to clean up a village in a Third World nation. The volunteers picked up 50 tons of garbage in this backward land. Nowhere is the gap between the rich and the poor greater. The poor live in tents, while the rich reside in the most expensive houses in the world.

The poor face typhoid and other debilitating diseases that were eliminated in civilized nations. People poop in the street for lack of indoor plumbing.

Instead of meeting the basic sanitation needs of its cities, the corrupt, one-party government squanders billions on an unneeded high-speed train. It will never be built but contracts are awarded to political insiders for work that will never be done. Because of this corruption, President Donald John Trump wants to curtail U.S. aid to the land.

Elsewhere in this nation state, electricity is a luxury as the power has been cut off to hundreds of thousands of citizens in preparation for a natural disaster.

What is maddening is this land has the world's fifth largest economy. It could easily take care of its needs without outsiders coming in to save them out of pity.

And sadly, the 50 tons of trash are small compared to the 22 million pounds of trash in one pile alone.

Something must be done to save this land from itself. Taking over this backward Third World nation would be easy. We already have troops stationed there. Its army consists of a national guard and police.

But that would mean spending trillions on another foray into nation building.

California sadly has very little hope.

Hail. Columbia

caribbean Pork _ it’s what (was) for dinner!

Here at FWIW we pause this day to honor Christopher Columbus, who rid the Caribbean of the cannibals infesting its islands and opened the door for western enlightenment to reach the shores of the New World.

Santa Maria drops anchor in Portland, ME

Not all invasions are so benevolent, alas: huge flocks of Massholes have flooded southern Maine in the past decade, bringing with them diseases like liberalism and softened brains and their “feelings”. Recently, after viewing the Santa Maria reproduction berthed on the Portland waterfront, I strolled up to India Street to say hello to the proprietor of my favorite tackle shop. Turns out he and his store are gone, forced to relocate because of soaring rents, and been replaced by this:

Beauty creams, patchouli oil and, probably, freshly-baked cbt crumpets