Biden on a roll

His handlers made a mistake and let their ward loose yesterday and he immediately showed them why they’d erred: “I Like kids more than people!”

Asked by FWIW to unpack this seemingly bizarre distinguishment between God’s creatures, America’s least favorite redhead was happy to make the attempt:

“Well, children are proto-humans,” she sniffed. “We’re still forming them, and they can’t vote, either — though Senator Schumer is working on that — so they don’t count.

“Besides,” she mused, “the President loves, absolutely loves their hair. So silky, so smooth, and oh, it smells so good! Once they grow up to be people, their hair doesn’t smell like that or if it does, they scream bloody murder if the President tries to stick his nose in it.”

And before his handlers could stop him, Basement Joe, roaring to be heard above the crowd’s chant of “Fuck Biden”, went on to praise a genuine sub-human, Chris Dodd: “You can tell a lot about a man’s character by the way he treats waitresses, and Chris Dodd was a man of character!” Once again, Jenny rushed in to explainacate:

“The President was remembering something he’d heard about a ‘waitress sandwich’*, and he just loves sandwiches — especially peanut and butter sammies, so he just assumed … he just assumed… Oh Hell, go ask Dr. Jill about this one; I quit.”

*According to a GQ article focused on Ted Kennedy’s boozing and indiscretions, Kennedy and Dodd and their very young blonde dates were at the Brasserie restaurant in D.C., heavily drinking. The dates went to the bathroom. Then, a waitress, Carla Gaviglio, walked into the private room where the two men were. Then allegedly, Kennedy, 6’2″ and 225 pounds, picked up the 5’3,” 103 pound waitress and threw her on the dining table, breaking glasses and items. He then threw her on top of Dodd, who was sitting in a chair. Then Kennedy began grinding on her, with her in between him and Dodd. Another waitress walked into the room at that moment, and both waitresses screamed, bringing the dishwashers on the run. That ended the alleged incident. The waitress Carla Gaviglio confirmed the incident to GQ. The other waitress also confirmed that she saw Kennedy on top of Gaviglio, on top of Dodd.