From America's REAL Paper of Record

Minneapolis City Council to offer looting passports

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—The Minneapolis City Council has voted unanimously for the equitable distribution of looting passports to peaceful protestors.

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When asked whether he believed looting passports could be seen as unfairly punishing honest business owners, President Biden replied, “Well, you can’t swat a cow gator without priming the barrel bark, which gobbles up the huffles for good ol’ spazamaturble. You know?”