And they'll be hand-knitted by Somali refugees

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Angus King Wants Medicare Funded Bath Mats

Sen. Angus King (I-Maine) announced a novel proposal on Wednesday to cut Medicare spending: send 20-30 million $11 bath mats to Medicare recipients to prevent costly falls.

“I’m the Johnny Appleseed of bath mats. Whenever I go to see somebody and they don’t have one of these in their shower, I buy one and send it to them. Now here’s the proposal, though: why doesn’t CMS [the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services] send one of these to every Medicare recipient in the country,” said Sen. King.

“I did the back-of-the-envelope calculation; it would pay for itself in about nine months,” he added.

King’s idea would see CMS purchasing 20-30 million $11 bath mats in the hope that they stop enough falls that ultimately cost the taxpayer welfare programs more.

And why stop there? What about grab bars, presumably installed by trained NGO employees, who would pinkie-swear that they’d really, truly delivered and installed them, even if Miss Okumba Swazulli’s residence might seem an unlikely home to require 3,467 grab bars and 12,000 toilet mats.

“Allow CMS to spend money on prevention, things like grab bars and bath mats. Right now, Medicare will pay for a broken hip, but they won’t pay for a grab bar in your shower; that’s just insane,” said King.

King’s initial estimate of 20-30 million $11 bath mats would cost $220-330 million.