Down in the polls, but still on the warpath: Elizabeth Warren to open casino to help cover campaign costs

It’s not about me, it’s about my people

No scalping; our customers will receive fair odds, she vows

“After spending several minutes digging deep into my rich 1/1024th Cherokee heritage, and communing with my spirit animal --you know, like we genuine Indians do all the time,” Warren announced at a recent campaign rally, “I feel the spirits of my ancestors guiding me to open a brand new casino; complete with a buffet, generous slots, and the hottest shows in history!”

Warren hopes that the new casino’s revenue will compensate for the decrease in campaign contributions and says it will even have a theme. Much like Caesar’s Palace’s ancient roman theme or Circus Circus’ killer clown theme, the presidential hopeful says her casino will have a socialism theme that is sure to be fun for the whole family.

“When you enter the casino, we want you to feel like you’re entering a socialist utopia! Whether you’re waiting in the breadline at the buffet, losing all your hard-earned money to the ruling class, or cheering at the executions of political dissidents, this will be a truly immersive experience!” Warren said.

This scoop is from the Babylon Bee, though you can hardly distinguish it from the real news article about Steven Hayes, below. And in fact, Warren has a love-hate relationship with casinos. She opposed them in 2014, co-sponsored a bill to establish one for the entirely imaginary Mashpee Wampanoag tribe in 2018, and just this past March, though her name was removed from the effort at the insistence of the faux-Indians, watched from the sidelines as her bill was reintroduced:

Elizabeth Warren Out as Mashpee Wampanoag Federal Land Bill Backer

A federal bill that would restore the Mashpee Wampanoag tribe’s right to call land in Massachusetts to its sovereign reservation — and build a $1 billion casino on it — is due to get its first hearing in Congress next Wednesday.

The US House Committee on Natural Resources on Wednesday could rescue the troubled Mashpee Wampanoag reservation and its planned tribal casino in Taunton, Massachusetts — if members approve a supportive bill.

But according to sources who spoke to news site Inside Sources this week, Warren is out.

“Everyone knows it’s her bill, but they [the Mashpee] don’t want her anywhere near it,” said IS’s source, who is described as an “industry insider.

Despite being a co-sponsor of the bill last year, Warren has not endorsed or supported it since the latest Congressional session began. IS claims this is part of a strategy by the Democratic leadership of the House to push the controversial legislation through Congress with as little fanfare as possible.

Once again, the Bee is straying perilously close to becoming the country’s primary source of straight reporting. It’s already eclipsed that other fake news source, CNN, and is steadily encroaching on the New York Times’ territory