In the trade, we — prosecutors and defense — used to call it the "two beer defense; "jus swon wyne offisher, an it wuz white" is a new one; bold, but perhaps overly ambitious

maria bucci after a spritzer — well, one that she remembers

Prominent Rhode Island Dem caught on cam calling cop ‘d–k’ during wild DUI stop: ‘God forbid I was a black person’

“You know who I am?” didn’t work, for some reason, nor did this:

A minute later as one of the cops gave her instructions to walk in a straight line, she shouted at her cousin waiting in her vehicle.

“Call my husband right now, and call the attorney general and everybody else in town,” the former Cranston councilwoman screeched.

“Cause this is disgusting, God forbid I was a black person, I’d be arrested.”

She must have had a change in skin color.

Bucci was ultimately placed in handcuffs after she continued to needle police and ignore instructions, the video shows.

When Bucci was pulled over, police “immediately detected a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emanating from inside the vehicle,” according to a police report obtained by the Globe.

An officer also alleged in the report that Bucci’s eyes were “severely bloodshot, glassy, and watery.”

“She was slurring and spitting when she was yelling and was extremely confrontational,” according to the report. 

At the start of the stop, Bucci told police she had one glass of wine at a Christmas party, the video shows.

Pro-tip: when you get busted the first time for DUI, it isn’t because you were unlucky, it’s because the luck you did have finally ran out — you’ve driven drunk hundreds, if not thousands of times.

And then there’s this absolutely true story, or it should be:

Man: “The secret of success is, when you fall down, get back up. Fall down again, get up again.”

Cop: “Not during a field sobriety test it isn’t.:”